A few months ago, I shared a reflection titled "Burnout". It was about something that I know I'm not alone in experiencing: Spiritual burnout. We had just come to the end of St. Michael's Lent that time, and I shared that while I started out the devotion strong, I fell out of my prayer habits quickly. Now, we're halfway through Exodus90 and beginning Lent, and I'm in the same boat again.
My Exodus90 disciplines were going well - much better than last year. To make a long story short, routines changed and I fell out of my holy hour. I injured myself, probably in one of those famous Exodus workouts, and now I can't do the workouts. A cold shower tensed my muscles and worsened the injury; so doctor's orders, no more of those. So basically, the physical disciplines are getting tossed out the window...and I'm seriously struggling with the spiritual ones, too. Honestly, I'm just tired - I'm having trouble motivating myself to get up for the holy hour now that I've got time again; Scripture has ceased to be exciting and inviting; and Instagram beckons constantly, and feels like sort of a requirement for work. Big bummer.
Last time, I got quite a few messages in response to my reflection on burnout - but really, it wasn't supposed to come off as super negative, even though I guess it probably will again. I'm just back to feeling a bit of shame - because I literally create religious art, writing prayers and Scripture verses, and I feel like I've forgotten to pray while I do it. I'm a bit down right now, but it's just the ups and downs of the spiritual life, of the secular life, and of living out my vocation to grow in holiness. I'm sure you feel it sometimes, too - it's just hard.
I'm feeling a bit burned out at the moment, and that's okay. We will always have our ups and downs, flaring up with passion for our disciplines and devotions and then burning out again. A seemingly never-ending cycle of faith and failure, passion and apathy, hearts aflame and hearts burned out.
There's good news, though. Even if we turn back and forth, hot and cold, toward and away from Him... He's better than us. His Passion is everlasting, ever present - especially during this liturgical season, but made present again each hour at Mass around the world. We might kindle a small flame of love for him, only for it to be blown out a few weeks later by a breath of wind - but His heart is aflame with love for us, and His love will never burn out.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have quite a few different prints and stickers with the Sacred Heart. Go check them out!